Actually, my life has been neglected.
Well, not really. My life has been an insane rollercoaster since sometime in September... September started the Official Wedding Freak-Out Time, followed by the trip to Florida, the wedding itself, wedding recovery, a trip to Tennessee, shortest honeymoon/fake-relaxation period ever... And then a trip back to Missouri, epic unpacking, and a return to work.
*sigh* Did you catch all of that?
I could easily go into detail about everything that happened from mid-September through the wedding... But I won't. In all honesty, it's painful. I spent 15 months planning every teeny-tiny detail of what was to be the most important day of my life (of *our* lives)... And shit went wrong. A lot of shit went wrong. And when the day was over, I was really heartbroken. The hairdresser didn't show up. We were almost an hour late. It rained... And rained... And rained. While our photographer was amazing (I mean, she did my hair for me), the torrential downpour made it impossible to get any kind of pictures outside. No sunset, no palm trees, nothing. And the fact that we were an hour behind schedule also meant our photo-taking time was cut short.
There are literally 2 pictures of Skip and I together, and they're not particularly fantastic.
I was so excited to get the pictures back... But I was so disappointed with them. We splurged on the photography... And all I wanted was beautiful pictures of our wedding day. And we didn't get them. And I had a million reasons why, and none of them could be helped. It wasn't anyone's fault, but it just didn't happen. Now people want photo books and prints and Christmas cards... And I just want to pretend like it never happened.
I haven't put the pictures on facebook. Everyone keeps asking, and I keep ignoring them. I haven't even talked about the wedding much in the last month. I just don't want to. I spent several days after we got back to Kansas City being pretty depressed about the whole damn thing. I kept crying. I kept getting this twisted up knot in my stomach every time I thought about it.
...And it's still difficult. I know I can't change it, but it still hurts. I worked so hard to make it this perfect day, and it just didn't happen. The whole day is still a blur to me... It all went by so fast, and I feel like I didn't have time to just enjoy it. We spent 15 months planning the wedding, squirrelling away every spare penny, and it was over in an instant. All that stress, money, and crazyness... And now it's over. And I feel empty.
While it's slowly getting easier to talk about, it still makes me sad. The lump in my throat is still there, but it's smaller than it was before. I'm working my way through editing the pictures... And there are some good ones in there. Not as good as what I really had envisioned, but they're okay. I can find silly pictures or beautiful pictures... And it takes me back to that moment. When we said our vows, when Skip shoved a huge piece of cake in my face, when Danie gave us her hilarious toast... There were beautiful moments, even if most of the day seemed like a distaster.
I guess in the end, a perfect wedding does not ensure a perfect marriage. I love my husband, and I guess I'm glad that we now have the time to enjoy married life... The stress and pressure of the wedding is behind us, and now we can just be happy.
And if rain on your wedding day really is good luck... Then we're set for life.
