It's like rain on your wedding day...

This blog has been neglected for far too long.

Actually, my life has been neglected.

Well, not really. My life has been an insane rollercoaster since sometime in September... September started the Official Wedding Freak-Out Time, followed by the trip to Florida, the wedding itself, wedding recovery, a trip to Tennessee, shortest honeymoon/fake-relaxation period ever... And then a trip back to Missouri, epic unpacking, and a return to work.

*sigh* Did you catch all of that?

I could easily go into detail about everything that happened from mid-September through the wedding... But I won't. In all honesty, it's painful. I spent 15 months planning every teeny-tiny detail of what was to be the most important day of my life (of *our* lives)... And shit went wrong. A lot of shit went wrong. And when the day was over, I was really heartbroken. The hairdresser didn't show up. We were almost an hour late. It rained... And rained... And rained. While our photographer was amazing (I mean, she did my hair for me), the torrential downpour made it impossible to get any kind of pictures outside. No sunset, no palm trees, nothing. And the fact that we were an hour behind schedule also meant our photo-taking time was cut short.

There are literally 2 pictures of Skip and I together, and they're not particularly fantastic.

I was so excited to get the pictures back... But I was so disappointed with them. We splurged on the photography... And all I wanted was beautiful pictures of our wedding day. And we didn't get them. And I had a million reasons why, and none of them could be helped. It wasn't anyone's fault, but it just didn't happen. Now people want photo books and prints and Christmas cards... And I just want to pretend like it never happened.

I haven't put the pictures on facebook. Everyone keeps asking, and I keep ignoring them. I haven't even talked about the wedding much in the last month. I just don't want to. I spent several days after we got back to Kansas City being pretty depressed about the whole damn thing. I kept crying. I kept getting this twisted up knot in my stomach every time I thought about it.

...And it's still difficult. I know I can't change it, but it still hurts. I worked so hard to make it this perfect day, and it just didn't happen. The whole day is still a blur to me... It all went by so fast, and I feel like I didn't have time to just enjoy it. We spent 15 months planning the wedding, squirrelling away every spare penny, and it was over in an instant. All that stress, money, and crazyness... And now it's over. And I feel empty.

While it's slowly getting easier to talk about, it still makes me sad. The lump in my throat is still there, but it's smaller than it was before. I'm working my way through editing the pictures... And there are some good ones in there. Not as good as what I really had envisioned, but they're okay. I can find silly pictures or beautiful pictures... And it takes me back to that moment. When we said our vows, when Skip shoved a huge piece of cake in my face, when Danie gave us her hilarious toast... There were beautiful moments, even if most of the day seemed like a distaster.

I guess in the end, a perfect wedding does not ensure a perfect marriage. I love my husband, and I guess I'm glad that we now have the time to enjoy married life... The stress and pressure of the wedding is behind us, and now we can just be happy.

And if rain on your wedding day really is good luck... Then we're set for life.

I'm still alive, I swear. But it's not like my 10 glorious followers are sitting in front of their computers, like, "OMG WHAT IS SHE UP TO?!" I mean, I like to think one of you 10 lovely readers misses me, but reality says you probably didn't notice I was gone.

ANYWAYS.

After three weeks of working 5 straight days (horrible, I know), I should be back to my almost-normal schedule now. Except, my boss wants to take away my free Thursdays, and make me work. Effective immediately. Yay moneys! BOO no sleeping in!

Oh, and that's yet another day I won't have to work on wedding stuff. And we're 7 weeks away from the Big Day. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaking out about this.

Friday night was spent starting on veil construction. Oh yes, I'm making my own veil. Because I'm completely insane. Actually, it's because my step-dad's sister bailed on making a veil for me, and the prices people charge for these things is completely insane. $200 for some fluffy shit and sequins? I don't think so. I have hands and free time and hot glue... I can do this for cheap!

So after 30 tense minutes of wandering around Joann's in search of the right supplies... I came home with $29 worth of tulle, fishing line, and hair combs. I didn't get the sparkley rhinestones... Yet. If I can assemble the veil without it looking ghetto, then I'll tackle sparkles. I know I'm good at sparkles.

I searched the internets for the best tutorials, only to find that there are none. Well, there are tutorials, but they suck. I think tulle is just really hard to capture on video. It's like Bigfoot or Nessie or the Chupacabra. It's elusive. And I don't think there's one universal method to veil-making. So I kind of had to watch some videos, use my brain, and just go fot it.

Luckily, I bought like, 7 yards of tulle. That's like, 189 square feet of elusive fluffy crap. Which looks like a ghostly aparition when it's bunched up on your couch and you've had a few glasses of wine. But yeah, I had enough extra tulle to experiment.

Did I mention Skip hates tulle? Because he spent like a solid hour sitting on the couch yelling, "I F%$#ING HATE TULLE! OMG! IT'S ITCHY! GET IT OFF MEEEE!" And I was yelling back, "STOP MOVING! YOU'RE GOING TO SCARE THE GHOST AWAYYYYY!"

So attempt numero-uno was a bust.

But the second attempt was mostly a success. I think if I glue on some sparkly stuff, no one will notice my terrible fishing line sewing skills. But I'll need to do that sober, because hot glue is (duh) hot. And tulle is (duh) elusive. I don't need an ER visit in my life right now.

What I do need in my life is glorious wedding shoes. And Skip needs 3 inches of height in his life, so I don't look like a giant standing next to him at the altar. Seriously. Dillards had super glorious sparkletastic wedding shoes, but they would've made me look like an Amazonian queen. Which would be great, if Skip wasn't vertically challenged. Well, he's not challenged... He's just not gifted. We're like, the same height. So he's freakishly tall, but not tall enough that I can wear glorious heels.

So the other insane thing I'm doing this weekend... Is taking Skip out to help me find wedding shoes. Basically, I just need him there as a reference piece. So I can stand next to him and be like, "Yep, you're still short. These shoes are out." Or "ZOMG THESE ARE THE SHOES." Skip will probably hate this process, but it needs to happen. I can't keep buying and returning shoes like a crazy person because they're too tall.

That's all that's really going on right now... Well, there's probably other stuff, too, but nothing really interesting.

I promise I'll try to update this more frequently. For reals, this time!

Ghosts, goblins, and sparkles,

I'm still alive.

The last few weeks have been ridiculous. And that's an understatement.

Milo is now on an all home-cooked diet. Yes, you read that correctly... No, I'm not insane. After spending hours on the internets researching canine calcium oxalate bladder stones, I discovered Fuzzer Food... Which is basically like a hippie diet for dogs. It's pretty complicated. Everything has to be pretty meticulously measured, and supplements added. One of which is a crazy Chinese herb that I can't spell or pronounce. But it's supposed to make him not get bladder stones, which means no more surgeries, and no more stress on pup or pup-mom. So we're going full-on hippie.

I've also been working at our downtown office for the last 2 weeks... Which is really just inconvenient and annoying. I spend what used to be my days off feeling awkward and in the way, and then sitting in terrible traffic trying to get myself home. Oh, and getting up an hour and a half earlier than usual. That's awesome too. OH, and the extra gas I need to buy to get me down there. Yep, that's great too. Because the extra hours I work basically just cover the gas down there. Sweet deal, right?!

/sarcasm.

Did I also mention that our apartment got struck by lightning?! Did I tell you that it fried all three (!) of our TVs?! And a digital picture frame?? And our router?! AND SKIP'S EXPENSIVE CARDINALS LAMP?!

Yea. That seriously happened. One bolt of lightning murdered $1200+ worth of electronics. It busted the tuner in the tube-TV in our bedroom, totally fried the 32" flatscreen in the den (it doesn't even turn on), and it effed up the high voltage in Skip's big gigantic 40" flatscreen. So now, every time we hook the cable box up to the big TV, the high voltage just fries it. We hooked up the coax directly to the TV... So we have like, basic cable. Basic, low-def, no DVR cable. With spotty reception. On our 40" high-def TV. Awesome.

We're going to talk to the insurance people tonight... Thank God we have renter's insurance. But we have to take $500 out of the wedding fund to pay the deductible, and hope that they reimburse us before the first week of September, when like, all of our final payments are due. GAH. As if I wasn't stressed enough about the money for the wedding. Someone plant me a money tree orchard, mmkay?

Or like, send Ed McMahon to my house. That'd be super.

Did I mention I now have to find a veil for the wedding too?! 'Cause my step-dad's sister was going to make it for free, right... And then her sewing machine broke. So I'm gonna be all up on Etsy looking for veils like it was my job. 'Cause I don't have an extra $200 to spend on a piece of tulle glued to a comb.

I've been ridiculously tired the last few weeks... I don't know if it's the extra hours, the lack of healthy eating habits, the absence of my daily vitamins, or just general stress and exhaustion due to all the crazy in my life right now. I mean, the last month and a half has just been insane. Milo's surgery, his new diet, 3 dead TVs, wedding shenanigans... It's just insane. I'm trying to get back to a better eating regimen, more exercise, and my vitamins. Maybe that'll make me feel a little less like a zombie. Sleep would be good too, but even that's in short supply. Our weekends haven't even been relaxing... I didn't sleep past 7:30am this past Saturday or Sunday. I had dog food to cook, groceries to shop for, laundry to do, clothes to iron, and socializing to do.

...I know, socializing isn't important. But to us, it is. We have zero friends. So if we can go hang out with people and try to be their friends, that's gonna take priority over like everything else. I love Skip, but I need a female companion in my life. We don't even have to be like, BFFs... I just need someone to drink wine and go shopping with.

And on that note... I need to do something productive today. This is the last week of me working both downtown and up at my office. THANK GOD.

Thanks a lot, Mother Nature...

It's raining.

I *know* the midwest needs rain. It's been like 50 bazillion degrees for like 8 years straight. We NEED rain. My poor plants need it. I'm a lazy plant owner, and they're needy plants.

I digress.

I need to go run. I have to go run. I skipped my run on Thursday, so I need to run today and tomorrow, so I don't lose my momentum.

But it's raining.

I either need to buck up and go run in the rain, or just go do my weekly grocery shopping. I need to stop sitting here like a punk, procrastinating on Blogger, instead of making this decision.

Ok. For reals. I'm leaving.

Rain, sprinkles, and reusable grocery bags--

Wedding planning ain't for sissies. Especially when you live in one state, and the wedding you're planning is 1,400 miles away, in another state. Oh, and everyone ever who could help is in that state too. And everyone ever that is totally annoying and unhelpful is scattered somewhere else in-between.

People have told me I should delegate tasks to people... Like bridesmaids and family members who I don't want to kill. Okay, no problem. Can you buy me some of these pumpkins from Joann Crafts?



No? The Joann Crafts in Florida doesn't carry awesome funky-shaped fake pumpkins? How about equally-awesome white fake pumpkins? Like these?


No? No white pumpkins?

DOES YOUR JOANN CRAFTS HAVE ANY OF THESE PUMPKINS?! Any pumpkins at all? Anything that remotely resembles a pumpkin? How about foam floral balls? We could shape them into pumpkins, and then paint them. No? No foam?

WHISKEY. TANGO. FOXTROT.

But it's probably for the best that these pumpkins don't exist in Florida... Because once they're found, I'd have to work out sending money for their purchase. And I don't even want to know what that would be like. I'll just buy them here, and strap them to the roof of the Jeep with duct tape and kitchen twine. They *should* survive the drive. No worries.

So delegating is a no-go. Even calling mom for help in some tasks is frightening... She's kind of like Skip, in that her favorite line is, "It's okay... I've got it handled." And I'm like, "Do you really?? Do you have this handled?? 'Cause I'm 1,400 miles away and I'm FREAKING OUT and I need to be positively sure that you have this handled in the best way possible. Text me pictures for proof, lady! kthx."

Except I don't really tell her that. I just make a list of the stuff I need her to do, and I put little reminders on my calendar so I know when to remind her, REALLY remind her, FREAK OUT AND REMIND HER AGAIN, and then just worry about it when I get to Florida.

And then there's delegating to Skip... Which should be all happy fun times, but it's not. He makes me kind of stabby with stuff. "Oh yea, I'll do that..." Which secretly means he won't do it in a timely fashion, which will make me anxious, and I'll just do it my damn self so it gets done. It's also a chore to get Skip to pry himself away from ESPN to discuss wedding crap. He mutes the TV... Which means he's just reading the ticker at the bottom instead of listening to me babble about bouttonieres or tablecloths.

OH. AND THE TABLECLOTHS. Did I tell you about Groomzilla and the Not-Ivory-Enough Tablecloths? Maybe I did... I don't remember. But yea, he whined that the Ivory tablecloth sample I ordered was too white. So we ordered this other Ivory one, and it's like, WHOAH BUDDY, in-your-face-ivory. I don't like it. Now it's too ivory. And now Skip is like, "I DON'T CARE PLEASE DON'T KILL ME." So he now has zero opinion. Fantastic.

That there is the "too white" tablecloth, with our three overlay colors... Which mom has tried like, 56,327 times to talk me out of, because they'll be a pain in the ass to iron and make look pretty. But I'm an idiot bride, and this is what has to be on my tables. I love them, and it's happening. DONE. So whoever pisses me off the week before the wedding is getting the job of "overlay ironer." They're gonna get an iron, some starch, an ironing board, and 25 satin thingeys to iron... And like, 5 minutes to do it or else they get stabbed. See! Delegation!

I think I'm a bad bride.

Did I mention I hot-glued a thumbtack to my finger today? Yea, that was pretty awesome. Why was I putting hot glue on thumbtacks? Oh, because I'm insane. Yep. Insane. I was hot-gluing some fall leaf sequin glitter things to thumbtacks to possibly use for our escort cards... Yea, possibly. If I decide to do cards and not just a giant piece of paper with names and table assignments written on it in sharpie. So I may or may not have just glued 140 stupid sequin glitter leaves to thumbtacks for NO APPARENT REASON.

It's definitely too early for cocktails.

In closing, I need this wreath in my life:



...But you'll have to come to Kansas City to buy it for me. It only exists at the Joann Crafts by my house. You can't get it wherever you live. 

Vodka, Hot Glue, and Glitter---

Speed Up-Dating... Get it?

This is the quickest update EVAR, mainly because I'm too mentally exhausted to type out complete thoughts.

BULLETS:

• Our wedding DJ backed out last week... But it's okay, because mom found a replacement before I even knew this happened. It's a shittastic situation, and I'm feeling kind of bitter. People suck.
• Mom paid for the new DJ... Which makes me feel guilty. I need to pay her back ASAP.
• The list of crap to buy/pay for for the wedding keeps growing... And our paychecks ain't getting any bigger around these parts. PANIC.
• Running is getting easier, but my shins still hurt. But I'm running more than 20 feet, so that's a plus.
• We will probably have to cut back our photography package for the wedding. I'm not happy about this.
• We've received 15 RSVPs in the mail. FIFTEEN. Out of the 93 I sent, that's pretty weak. Not cool.
• I'm going to sit Skip down tonight and tell him to either step-up and do stuff, or quit being a Groomzilla. Seriously. Either get on the same train as me, or quit being a caboose.
• I bought crystal martini glasses from Wal-Mart... Yes, you read that correctly. Seriously, the best $15 I've ever spent. They're awesome, and I love martinis.
• I have 10 billion wedding projects to work on. Seriously, 10 billion.
• I need new clothes. Not only have I lost weight, but some unexplained phenomenon put pinkish splotches on my FAVORITE FREAKING KHAKI WORK PANTS. Ugh. I seriously don't know what it was. I checked all my pockets prior to washing. I'm ticked.
• The heat wave makes me angry. It's cooler in Florida than it is here in Missouri. WHY?!
• I want it to be fall. I want pumpkin candles and pumpkin muffins. And not-hot weather.

I think this is it. Hopefully more completed thoughts will come your way soon... Maybe I'll sip on a few martinis, and make that happen tonight.

...But don't hold your breath.

VODKA SPARKLES,

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid answers.

I'm starting to think that weddings were created to test brides-to-be on how far they can be pushed until they snap.

Seriously. The questions people ask me are ridiculous. And they ask them over and over and over. Like, the same person will ask me the same question 56 times. And it's never like, vitally important questions. People also don't talk amongst themselves, so I get the same questions from tons of different people.

Some examples:

Q: What colors the bridesmaids are wearing?
A: Fall colors. Red, orange, wine, and brown. Yes, four different colors, and yes, four different dresses. I know they won't match. It's okay, I promise.

Q: What color should the women family members wear?
A: Any shade of whateveryouwanttowear will be just fine.

Q: What the male family members wearing?
A: My dad wearing a tux, since he's physically "in" the wedding. Everyone else can wear whatevertheywanttowear.

Q: What is the dresscode?
A: Clothes. You need to wear clothes. Not a ballgown, and not cutoffs and a sleeveless tee shirt, either. But mostly, just cover your naughty bits.

Q: What's the weather going to be like?
A: Either hot or cold. I suggest checking the forecast before you pack your bags. Florida is a little unpredictable in October, and my crystal ball is on the fritz.

Q: What if it rains?
A: The wedding and reception are both indoors. I promise I thought about this stuff.

Q: What time is the wedding?
A: READ THE INVITATION I PAID FOR, ADDRESSED, STAMPED, AND MAILED TO YOU. kthx.

Q: How much is the wedding costing you?
A: A lot. A whole lot. A whole lot more than I'm going to tell you. If you're concerned, though, we're accepting cash donations in the form of large, uncirculated bills.

Q: What are your wedding colors?
A: "Fall Colors." Browns, reds, golds, oranges, etc. It's a variety. Crazy, I know. But Day-Glo orange is SO last year.

Q: Where are you getting your hair and makeup done?
A: Probably in the bathroom at my mom's house. Weddings are expensive, and my hair and makeup are kind of at the bottom of the list of crap that needs to be paid for. If you're treating, though, we can go wherever you like. I'd love to suggest a few salons in town.

Q: Can we get a picture of you and [relative's name] or you and Skip [posing explanation].
A: Sure. Tell the lady with the big fancy camera. I'm paying her a lot of money to do just that: take pictures of us. I seriously can't be responsible for remembering every single photographic pose and combination between now and October. My brain purges crap like that on the regular.

Q: Are you having music?
A: UM YES.

Q: Will there be an open bar?
A: Only if there's any liquor left after the bride is done drinking away her sorrows. You might want to BYOB, just in case.

Q: What does your dress look like?
A: It's big and white. You'll find out if you show up!

Q:  Will your dad be there?
A: Nope. Haven't talked to him in 5 years. I don't want him anywhere within 3 square miles of me on the biggest day of my life.

Q: Your AUNT is your maid of honor?! How old IS she?!
A: Yes, she is. She's the closest thing I have to a sister, and we're very close. She is seven years older than me, which is 32 for those of you who can't do math. (Which makes me 25.)

Q: Are you getting married on the beach?
A: HELL TO THE NO.

Q: WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING MARRIED ON THE BEACH?!
A: For starters, we don't like the beach. I know, crazy. It's too sandy to be tromping around in a big white dress. Beach weddings are also a little too cliche for us, and they're expensive. Since you'll be in Florida for the wedding, why not plan a trip to the beach? It's really close, I swear.

Q: Who's paying for the wedding?
A: Um, we are. Skip is working like 50 brazillion hours of overtime to make this happen. We're accepting contributions, but we're also not holding our breath.

Q: Will you need help before the wedding?
A: YES. Absolutely. Show up at my mom's house every day at 6am with coffee and doughnuts, and we should have everything done by the time I'm ready to walk down the aisle. Bring friends, and/or extra hands.

Q: Where are you going for your honeymoon?
A: HAHAHAHAAHAAA. You think we'll have money leftover for a honeymoon! That's cute.

Q: How old is your flower girl?
A: I get this a lot, and I don't know why. But she'll be six on Christmas, and she's awesome.

Q: What is a brooch bouquet, and why are you doing that instead of flowers?
A: Google it. And flowers die. Brooches do not.

Q: Can I have the brooches when you're done?
A: That's a big negative, Ghostrider. I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and hours on eBay into this bouquet. And they're all hot-glued in there, so don't even try it, Stickyfingers McGee.

Q: Are you having a bridal shower?
A: Are you throwing me a bridal shower? 'Cause those are usually a surprise to the bride. Just sayin'.

Q: Are you paying for our hotel room?





A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. No.
I think that's it. There are probably more, but they're escaping my brain at the moment. This weekend, I'm turning my phone off and ignoring everyone, and their dumb questions. Seriously. I can't handle any more questions. I'm going to fix myself a lemondrop martini (or three), and park myself in front of the TV.

I am mentally checking out until Monday morning.

Peace, silence, and vodka,

Someone, please, do me a favor...

PLEASE, for the love of God and all that is Holy... Call my future mother-in-law, and explain to her that I can't answer her calls while I'm working. And please remind her that I work Monday-Wednesday-Friday, from 8am-4:30pm. And let her know that when she calls me on a Wednesday, at 2:11pm, I'm not avoiding her call because I'm mean or something, but I'm actually working.

Every time someone calls me at work, and I pick up the phone... Someone walks into my office. It's like clockwork. Answer phone, get glared at by an impatient person. Never fails.

The same thing happens when I try to go pee at work. Close bathroom door, and a line of 56 people gathers outside my office.

Oh, and someone please come eat all this candy that's sitting on my desk. If I eat one more piece, I'm going to turn into a Kit-Kat bar.

kthxbai.

Brain vs. Heart vs. Body

Running is hard.

I know I've said that about fifty bajillion times, but I'm serious. It's hard. Finding the motivation to hit the pavement is hard. Pushing through pain, sweat, and heat is hard. Thinking about your feet, legs, arms, head, posture, breathing, pace, and keeping an eye on the trail... All at the same time... Is hard.

But no one said this would be easy.

Becoming a runner isn't going to happen overnight... Not for me, anyways. Some people can lace up their sneakers and hit the trail like they were born to do it. Not this girl. Running, like losing weight, is one of those things I'm just going to have to chip away at one tiny bit at a time. I didn't lose 23 pounds overnight, and I'm not going to run a mile that way, either.

Since re-dedicating myself to this journey, I've decided that I should try to sign up for a race. I need something to motivate me, and keep me going... Something to look forward to accomplishing. The trouble is, I'm afraid of that committment. What if I sign up, and I'm not ready by race day? What if my shin pain gets worse, and I have to take time off? What if I sign up for a big race, and then bomb on race day?

Most of this is mental stuff. The phrase "what if" seriously should be banned from my vocabulary.

I'm fearful of signing up for something too soon, and not having enough time to adequately prepare. I'm like, the definition of a beginner. Be-gin-ner. Period. So if I sign up for a race in September, will I be ready? My logical side says probably not. Even if I trained everysingleday, I probably wouldn't survive a September race. How about October? Well... Scratch off most of that month, since we'll either be up to our necks in wedding preparations, or we'll be in Florida getting married. November? Julie's wedding.

This is where I have stupid, stupid thoughts.

I found a race I really, really want to do. It's for a cause that is close to my heart. It's a 5k. It's in November. It's two days after Julie's wedding.

Julie's wedding takes place on Friday evening... I fly out of Ft. Myers at like, 6am Saturday morning. (Possibly hungover from the festivities. Yikes.) This race takes place at like, 8am Sunday morning. And then I go back to work on Monday.

The cause is for lung cancer... Some of you, my dear followers, know that I lost both my grandparents to lung cancer. This cause is so close to my heart, and running this race would mean the world to me. But, failing at this race would be really awful. And as busy as my schedule is, and knowing how far I have to go until I can run a 5k... My better judgment says I shouldn't do this.

...But I really want to.

What would you do in this situation? Advice? Thoughts? Encouragement? I'm really torn on this one. I need a race to train for, but I don't want my first race to be such an important one... Because I might fail.

Decisions, decisions.

Trying out something new...

So I wanted to add a signature to my posts... 'Cause I thought it would look cool an' junk. This took me an eternity to figure out, so I hope you guys like it.

Yes, I still refer to my readers as plural... Because I have hope that there's more than just one of you out there reading my attempts at being funny and/or inspiring. SURELY, there is more than one... Right?

In other news... I've got a bad case of The Mondays, and I really don't want to go run tonight. But the half empty candy bowl in my office tells me I should probably get out there and do work. Even though it's like, 86,743 degrees outside. HOT. Miserable. Schweddy.

Hugs and love from the surface of the sun,

GOOD MORNING!

Me and Skip are going for a run this morning.

Well, mostly a walk with some running sprinkled in. But it sounds better in my head if I just say "a run."

Don't judge me.

--Malaya

Ow ow ow...

My shins are on FIRE.

Didn't do as much as I wanted to this morning... Mainly because I was afraid of the pain in my shins/calves. I'm not experienced enough to know what is "normal" pain, rather than "OMG STOP NOW" pain. This was pretty terrible pain, so it's probably for the best that I called it quits a little early.

At least I ran. I didn't used to run at all. So that's a step forward.

Now off to spend all of Skip's money on groceries. Did I tell you he bought a freezer chest? Yes, yes... We now own a deep freezer. So now I need to fill it up with stuff on sale. Chicken breasts for $1.19 a pound? I'M SO THERE.

Note to self: Buy frozen peas. They make good ice packs for shins.

--Malaya

That was stupid.

Almost every Friday, before I go in to work, I go by Starbucks to get a grande, non-fat, caramel macchiato. Sometimes iced, sometimes hot. It's my end-of-the-week indulgence. A little cup of happiness to get me through the longest day of the week.

Today was a little different.

I went across the street to Hy-Vee, which has a Caribou Coffee just inside the door. If you've never had Caribou Coffee, I suggest you get on the first flight to the nearest city that has one, and GET YOU SOME. I love my 'Bucks, but Caribou has a very special place in my heart. And today, I wanted a Dark Chocolate Turtle Mocha. Had. To. Have. It.

Stupidly, I ordered it straight up... Not non-fat, not light, not no-whip. I had every intention of looking up the Weight Watchers points for it when I got to work, but my morning was surprisingly busy. So I looked it up just now, and my jaw hit the keyboard.

SIXTEEN POINTS.

That's like, half my daily allowance. Plus some.

I'm not even going to talk about the other item I ate this morning, because it's seriously too painful. I was really gung-ho to get back to keeping track of everything I'm eating, until I blew the majority of my daily points on a coffee and [other item]. Thank God for weekly points and activity points. And thank God all my points reset today.

To top it all off, Skip wants to head to Applebee's to use up a gift card tonight... Buh-bye, rest of my weekly points. It was nice knowin' ya.

Must. Run. Tonight.

--Malaya

Malaya Does Life.

So, Wednesday evening, Ben Davis and the Do Life Movement made their way to Kansas City. I hadn't originally planned on participating in their 5k event, but when I realized I would be downtown anyways... I couldn't not go.


Turn Left, Do Life.

I recruited Julia from the Bosky Blog, and her adooooorable furry running buddy Goliath, to meet with me, and DO LIFE!

Aren't they cute?!

I arrived at Liberty Memorial with buzzards butterflies in my stomach. I had never walked a 5k... A 5k is 3.1 miles. The most I've done (in one consecutive session) was 2.5 miles... And that was mostly walking. What had I gotten myself into?

I met with Julia and G about 30 seconds after I arrived... She parked right behind me! What are the odds?! Anyhoo... She (and Goliath) were super awesome and friendly. She's pretty much exactly the same in person as she is on her blog. And Goliath is just as cute and furry and energetic. He was ready to RUN!

As soon as we walked toward the sign-in table, we were greeted by Ben, of the Ben Does Life blog. He was really warm and friendly, and it was like we were the best of friends from way back in the day. There were brief introductions, and a funny story about a breakup gone wrong. He is genuinely friendly, and is also pretty much the same in person as he is on his blog. I had a brief *starstruck* moment... HE'S LIKE A CELEBRITY! ZOMG!

Oh, and the news was there. Because the Do Life movement is big, people. You'll see me for like, 2 seconds at the end jogging. Yeah!




So there was signing in and introductions and chit-chattery... And then it was time for a group photo!



DO YOU SEE ME?! I'M NEXT TO BEN!

 Immediately after this picture was taken, I dropped my super-awesome "unbreakable" pink water bottle, and the bottom broke. Bye-bye, Gatorade. And RIP most favorite bottle ever. I was a little panicked, because the Gatorade is like, the only thing that gets me through cardio. Probably totally mental, but it was like someone stole my running shoes. Could I do this without my Elixer of Life?!

The answer: Yes. But more about that in a minute. First, we start running!

See me? Goofy form, big cheesy grin... WHO AM I?!

I started towards the back of the pack, since I was well aware that I am ridiculously slow. I was slightly paranoid that I'd be the only walker, but that was not the case. After all, the Do Life movement isn't about how far or how fast. It's about making a step in the right direction, and making it to the finish line.

So in that picture up there, you'll also see that lady in the middle in the black shirt... That's Ben's mom. And I had the pleasure of walking with her for a portion of the course, and she is a super nice lady. She is equally in-awe of Ben's story, his blog, and the movement. She sounded like just another fan when she was talking about the blog. "It's just so dang funny!" Her Arkansas accent was also awesomesauce. I talked with her and a couple other ladies, about losing weight and getting active. My pace slowed considerably while we were chatting, but it was so good to talk to someone else about my weight loss journey. Sometimes, you just need to hear the words coming out of your own mouth. It was like free therapy. Good stuff.

I walked, jogged, and talked my way through the rest of the 3 mile course. Coming in on the home stretch, I knew I wanted to finish strong. I knew I couldn't just mosey across the finish line like it was NBD. I didn't walk the last 2+ miles to finish on a low note. I apologized to my walking buddy, and told her I was off to jog the rest of the way. I jogged a stretch, stopped to walk briefly, and then picked up the pace for the final steps of my first 5k.

As I approached the finish line, all the other people who finished before me were cheering... And clapping... And hollering out words of encouragement. I don't know what the definition of a "runner's high" is, but that was a pretty amazing feeling for me. I got a high-five from a random guy, and one from Ben. And that was pretty cool.

Seconds away from a high-five from Ben! AHH!

I may have been almost last, but I did it. I finished my first 5k, and I'm not even ashamed to say that I walked most of it. I didn't think I would make it through two laps... Let alone the third. And a couple months ago, I wouldn't have peeled myself off the couch to walk 5 feet, let alone 5k. Julia and Goliath were waiting for me, too, taking pictures of my "Finish Line Moment", and giving me happy puppydog slobbers. It was pretty awesome.

(I'll be stealing those pics from her blog as soon as she posts them... So keep your eyes out for more awesome sweaty pics!)
 

Ben Davis, Julia, Me, and Goliath

Usually, after these Do Life events, everyone goes out to dinner for camraderie and whatnot... But I was feeling tired and hadn't seen Skip since 5am... And I had two missed calls and a text from my mom waiting on my phone. Mom usually doesn't call me, so I knew two missed calls was probably semi-serious. I called her from the parking lot before I left, and decided to skip the post-5k meal. I was pretty bummed to miss it, but when momma calls, you can't just ignore it. It turned out to be nothing too major, and it gave me the opportunity to tell mom what I had just done. She seemed so proud, and joked that she was, "exhausted just hearing about it." Hah. Love ya, mommadukes.

Skipper was equally proud of me, and I think had a hard time believing that I walked a 5k, let alone did some running... Hah. Silly boy. I did get him to help me put my first sticker on the Jeep when I got home...

Me: "OMG MAKE SURE IT'S NOT CROOKED!"

I'm usually against stickers on cars (especially ones people just slap on all crooked an' junk), but I felt like this one was necessary. And it's on the driver's side, so every time I get in the Jeep, I'm reminded to Do Life. And maybe to drive to the park and run, instead of going to Starbucks for an iced caramel macchiato. Hah.


She even has a sweet ponytail! Yeah!

And so concludes the story of my first 5k, and the Do Life Movement experience in Kansas City. I really feel like this was just the kick in the pants I needed to get back to exercising, and watching what I eat. I felt so inspired, that I got up yesterday morning and hit the trail hardcore.

Well, as hardcore as someone like me can hit the trail. Hah.

I did one mile (2 laps around the park), and logged my best-ever mile time... 20 minutes, 34 seconds. Which really isn't so great, but it's pretty awesome for me. I ran... A lot. Definitely a lot more than I usually run. It hurt and it was hard, but I just kept going. There were a few times when I told myself, "Just run to that tree," and that tree turned into "That next tree"... So I was exceeding my goals, not just meeting them.

WHO IS THIS PERSON?!

This is a person who is tired of being overweight. This is a person who is getting married in under 3 months, and does not want to look like she's wearing a big white tent. This is a person who wants babies someday, and wants to be a healthy pregnant lady. This is a person who also wants to be a healthy momma someday. This is a person who is tired of the "somedays" and "tomorrows"... It's time for "today" and "now."

I've got a run scheduled for tonight after work.

Doing Life,

--Malaya

This is happening. Legit.

I have decided to go out to Liberty Memorial here in Kansas City tomorrow, to be a part of the "Do Life Tour."

For those of you who aren't awesome, go find the Ben Does Life blog. Ben is this cool guy who made a promise to his grandma to lose weight and get happy. And it's a promise he's kept. He's done Ironman races, and a ton of other ridiculously cool and inspiring stuff. He's taken to the road this summer, and is touring the country to spread the word about the Do Life movement.

Since I've been in a weight loss and exercise rut, I've decided to go take part in the 5k they're hosting here in KC as a part of the tour. I certainly won't be running the entire 5k, but I'm damn sure going to try. I need a kick in the pants, so I think this would be a good way to get motivated.

Or maybe it'll be completely horrible and embarassing. *shrug* Either way, it's happening. I'm doing it.

Skip should be home in an hour and a half... Gonna see if he wants to do this with me. I'm fully expecting him to decline, but I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed. I'm totally prepared to do this on my own, though.

Be on the lookout for updates... If not tomorrow, then definitely on Thursday.

PEACE.

--Malaya

Things I Know

I am:

• Imperfect.
• The daughter of a woman and a man who couldn't make their marriage work.
• In love with a man who is my everything.
• Silly, weird, awkward, clumsy, and funny.
• Concerned about what people think about me.
• Shy, self-conscious, and my own worst enemy.
• Open-minded, patient, respectful, and passionate.
• The product of a family that didn't have a lot of money, but had a lot of love.
• Fifty-percent of an amazing soon-to-be husband and wife team.
• Easily hurt by the things people say about me.

I am NOT:

• Required to allow people to judge me unfairly.
• Going to be hurt by the things people say behind my back.
• Allowing negativity in my life anymore.
• Going to let anyone ruin our wedding day.
• Required to pretend to be anyone other than myself.
• Required to like everyone at all times.
• Ashamed of my past, my present, or my future.
• Going to keep my feelings bottled up anymore.
• Going to try so hard for things that aren't worth the effort.
• Ashamed of who I am.

Sorry this is a weird post today, folks... It was kind of a weird weekend. Lots of processing in progress, and processing to be done. I miss my friends, and I miss my family. I want it to be October, so I can plop myself down in a room full of love and awesome people. I want to get the wedding done and over with, so we can open up a new chapter in our lives.

But seriously... I need friends and family. I love you guys (I know *someone* reads this thing), and I miss you like crazy. You all might BE crazy, but you're the best people I could ask for. Seriousness.

Love across the miles,

--Malaya

Friday Fail.

I think that's what I'll start calling my weekly Friday entries. Fabulous Friday Failures. Catchy, no?

So, once again, it's almost quittin' time here on the ranch, and I'm scrambling to throw together a blog post. I've been busy at work today (Seriously! I have! Stop laughing!), so I've barely had time to do my work, let alone think of something to blog about.

Milo is doing swell, though he's still cranky and sore and peeing lots of blood. The blood is normal, and the cranky 'tude is to be expected. I'd probably be a grouch too, if someone cut me open and pulled rocks out of my bladder. He's definitely perked up a lot the last couple days, so that's a good sign. I've gotten cuddles and tail wags and some begging for food... So he's almost back to normal.

Oh, and they made him wear the Cone of Shame... Because he wouldn't stop licking his manly area, and it was all red and irritated. The stitches were fine, but everything else (yes, *everything*) looked like it was covered with a giant hickey. So Conehead he is, and giggly is momma. I seriously can't stop laughing at him in the cone. I feel terrible, but it's hilarious. He walks into things, he has trouble getting up and down stairs... And he gives me this pathetic, "Oh God WHY" face when I make him wear it. It makes me giggle, in a sad, "Mommy's Sorry" kind of way.

At least he only has to wear it when I'm not watching him like a hawk.

We're off to visit Skip's family in St. Louis this weekend... Should be a fun weekend. A hot, sweltering, melt-your-face-off weekend... But fun! I'm baking 3 desserts tomorrow morning before we go to a barbecue with his dad... So I need to get up and get my game face on in the morning. Woo.

Other than all that... Nothing is new. Wedding plans are still moving along, we're still broke, and I'm still insane.

4:10! Time to go finish my paperwork and GO HOME! YAY!

--Malaya

ZOMG FRIDAY!

So my attempt at catchy, alliterative, Friday blog posts has failed. Crash and burn.

This post in general will probably be a crash and burn, because it's 4:17 on Friday afternoon, AND I'M READY TO GTFO OF THIS OFFICE.

Word.

I got 9 tank tops at Old Navy for $19.62. I lurve when their tanks go on sale... Because I pretty much live in them during the summer months. However, they're mostly all white or black or gray, since they were sold out of my size in the colored ones. I'm hoping they'll get more in soon, so I can just exchange them. Lame, I know.

This weekend will be pretty boring. Skip will be working 984 hours of overtime, because he's swamped at work. I mean, the paychecks are AWESOMESAUCE, but I miss his face. So I'll be spending Saturday and Sunday doing girl-stuff, I guess... Which will probably entail trying to pick up some wedding crap, and complete some wedding projects. I'm sure Skip is super sorry he has to miss THAT fun. Hah.
Booked mah flight for Julie's wedding in November! YAY! And I saved money on it... But that means I'll have to fly out at 7am the very next morning. Poop. Someone will have to be on bridesmaid patrol... I'm not allowed to party too hardy that night. I can sleep on the plane, though, so that's a plus. Let's hope I get cuddly seat-mates. Hee!

Oh, and someone needs to kick me in the butt and make me go run/walk tonight... Because I'm feeling all bloatational and cranky, and I really need to go run. I can NOT spend this week eating chocolate and being betchy. Not allowed. Must go do cardio.

4:24!

Time to go count moneys and go home.

--Malaya

Running is hard.

DUH.

I knew this. I've always known this. So WHY WHY WHY do I think that I should be able to hop on the trail and run like it's the only thing my chubby legs have ever wanted to do?!

Probably because I'm stupid.

I logged about 2 miles of walking/sprinting today... Mostly walking, with a little sprinting. I must admit that my new, fitted-to-me running shoes are pretty much awesome. Like, glitter and unicorn farts awesome. I don't get crippling cramps, my feet don't hurt, and so far... No knee pain! WHAT?! YES! No knee pain. That's a first.

However... I think my body is engineered wrong for running. Seriously, I do. I find myself thinking about what my feet and ankles are doing... And man, they do some weird shit when I run. My feet don't land right... I don't feel like my stride is normal at all. My feet strike the ground at a weird spot... Not really my heel, but not the arch either. Skip makes fun of the way I run on the regular... He's like, "You run loud." Thanks, dude. Appreciate the observation.

But yea. My feet an' junk... They just don't do what they're probably supposed to do. So I spend most of the time I'm walking/running/flailing trying to figure out WTF my feet are doing. And I try to focus on planting my feet "correctly"... Which feels weird, and probably hinders any kind of progress. But nothing feels right. I'm not a runner... I'm a wanna-be.

I've also decided that Gatorade is God's gift to me, and it makes my walks/runs more bearable. Seriously. I drank the stuff on the walk where I killed my phone, and it was like, the easiest most wonderful walk ever. Yeah, like, glitter and unicorn farts. So now I don't go without my Gatorade... And so far, every walk since that one as been amazing. Maybe it's just the clever marketing, but I seriously believe it. Although, I'd probably drink dog pee if someone told me it would turn me into an athlete. IJS.

Wedding planning is chugging along like the Little Engine That's Sucking Up My Money Could. I've got a phone consultation set up with the cupcake (!!!) baker, a tentative appointment with a dress shop to press my dress for cheap once I get down there, and a list of websites where I can order all kinds of stuff I need on the cheap. Cheers to that! I have about 18 more phone calls to make, and clearly I'm making good use of my time by blogging about it.

Procrastination at it's best.

Milo is doing well, besides having "rocks in his weiner", as Skip says. They're not actually in his weiner... They're in his bladder. If they move to the weiner, that's bad news bears. Anyways, he's a happy little pup, and is totally soaking up all the love and attention and extra crap he gets to eat because he's "sick." Which basically consists of various different things I can hide his antibiotics in, because the vet thought it would be a good idea to give him horse pills. They're enormous, and Milo likes to spit them out like a jerk.

Roxy is a little jealous, but seriously when is she not? I've promised her a "mommy-daughter day" on Tuesday while he's in surgery... We're going to get her nails clipped. She is going to flip her shit. Sorry, little lady. Your nails are 18 feet long, and I don't own a muzzle and a straight jacket to keep you from biting my face off. That's why I pay the groomer $15 to do it for me.

We're also gonna go get ice cream. Mostly because I want ice cream.

Okay, I really need to cut this off right now, and get something accomplished today. The house is a mess, I have people to call, and blogging isn't gonna get shit done.

PEACE.

--Malaya

"And I raaaaaaan, I ran so far a-waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy..."

I've started running.

Yes, you read that correctly. I, Malaya "I Hate Running" (Lastname), has started running. Not like, running 8 miles straight or anything... But running. In little bitty spurts. Like, walk a hundred yards, run 10 feet. It's a start.

Just as I started my "weight loss journey", I've decided I need to kick things up a notch with the exercise. And it all starts with one small step. I didn't start off eating super healthy foods 3 meals a day. I didn't give up my daily gallon of Coca-Cola cold turkey. And I'm not going to just start running a freakin' marathon out of the blue.

So here we go... Baby steps. A little sprinting mixed into my daily walks... And soon, I'll start the Couck to 5K program that I downloaded on my phone 2 months ago. Someday, I want to be able to run more than 10 feet without dying of a heart attack and out-of-breathness.

I usually make excuses for why I didn't start doing this a long time ago... Things like, "I'm not ready," or "I need to wait until ______." So no more excuses. I need to start NOW, and quit putting it off.

I started yesterday, actually. And right NOW, I need to quit writing a ridiculously redundant blog post, and GTFO of my apartment, and RUN.

kthxbai.

--Malaya

Furkids are expensive.

Milo Monster has bladder stones. The vet says he needs $650 worth of surgery and medicine to make him all better. :(

Skipper and I don't just have $650 lying around... But we're going to make something work. He told me on the phone, "Just make the appointment. I'm not gonna let anything happen to Milo." I love him, really I do. I have no clue where we're going to cut $650 out of the wedding budget... Seriously, there's nowhere left to cut from. But we'll make it work. We always do. Milo is my buddy, my first dog ever... And he means the world to me.

I'm trying to be a strong momma for him... But I know I'm gonna bawl my eyes out next week when they take him in for surgery. He's my baby... I love him to pieces. I worry like a crazy person about my furkids.

So a week of antibiotics... And then a day of surgery. Then hopefully he'll be back to normal. I wuv my widdle puppydoggie. <3

--Malaya

Where were you two years ago?!

Skip texted me just now to tell me he turned down a job offer.

An old supervisor called and offered him a job as a Party Chief (translation: guy-in-charge) for a pipeline surveying company in Illinois. He would've had his own company truck, and lots of other cool perks.

They didn't even get to the part about the money.

Skip told him he wasn't interested. He told the guy that he was done traveling, and was happy where he is here in Kansas City (with his hot wife-to-be).

Skip also told me his uncle let him know that he has work for him, if things slow down here in KCMO.

Where the hell was all this job security 2 years ago?! Where were all these offers of steady work when we needed them? Skip spent 2+ years working for a few months, then getting laid off indefinitely. Now that we have a stable, settled-down life, he has job offers out the wah-zoo. What gives, universe?!

I guess I shouldn't complain... My husband-to-be is so awesome, he has his past employers calling and throwing work at him. Even past employers that didn't like him very much. Hah. I'm proud of him... He loves what he does, and he does it well. It's taken us a long time to get to where we are now, and I only see things getting better from here on out.

--Malaya

Friday Five?

I've seen other bloggers do similar posts... Five For Friday, Friday Five, Friday Fast Five... And other alliterations. I'm thinking I should do something like this, perhaps to encourage me to blog more regularly? No? Since I now have nine (!) followers, I'll let you decide what I should title this series. Also, feel free to contribute other fun Day-of-the-Week things I could post. I seriously need motivation.

FIVE THINGS FOR FRIDAY
(Or whatever)

1. My phone has been repaired! Halleluja! I'm back to my normal excessive texting/talking/emailing/facebookingatwork. Seriously, that phone is like, lifeline. I often find myself trying to remember the days before my iPhone... And it kind of frightens me. How the hell did I function without Words With Friends? How did I stay updated on peoples' lives without Facebook in my pocket? HOW DID I TEXT WITH OUT A COMPLETE TOUCH-SCREEN KEYBOARD?! Seriously. No. Idea.
2. After a seriously bad (but delicious) food binge last weekend, my weigh-in for this week only showed a 0.2 gain. HOLY CRAP. Insanity! After eating Five Guys TWICE, BBQ, IHOP, and 54th Street, and the Taco Bell that Skip fed me last night while holding a gun to my head, I am seriously amazed that the scale did not reflect a 58 pound gain. I want to credit the 2.26 miles I walked yesterday with this miracle, but I'm still mad about the phone thing. That walk is not a happy time anymore.
3. I miss cats. Like, seriously. If I could forget that I ever had dogs, and go back to cats, I would. I got to cuddle 2 ridiculously adooooorable kitty-cats at the Phone Screen Repairman's house... And I was suddenly jones-ing for a feline in our house. But Skip is totally allergic, and he'd probably kick me (and the cat) out faster than you can say hippopotamous. But cats are all cute and fluffy and quiet... I miss cats.
4. Doctors really shouldn't have bank accounts... Because they seriously don't know what they're doing with their money. If your account was -$110 as of this past Saturday, and you keep paying bills and making transactions out of it... Trying to make a deposit at 5AM today (when I'm not even F&$#!@% here), is not going to keep you from getting charged overdraft fees. You're an idiot. Brain surgeon you may be, but smart person, you are not.
5. I've just started using Moroccan Oil on my hair... And I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've been in a hair rut as of late, so I'm really trying any and every new product I can get my mitts on. I just feel like my hair is a lifeless ball of yuck. Frizzy, dry-looking, dull, coarse... It's either way poofy or way greasy. It looks like crap in a ponytail, and it looks like crap down. Clips don't stay, barettes are a joke, and bobby pins just don't stay put. I'm itching for a new cut, but told myself I wanted long locks for the wedding... So it has to stay. The Moroccan Oil keeps my hair soft and shiny and (mostly) frizz-free, but I feel like it's borderline greasy. Like, I don't think I could go 2 days without washing my hair. Ew. Please just let me shave my head and start over.

That was probably longer than it was supposed to be. And probably boring. Sorry, followers. I'll do better next week!

NAME MY THING! Fun alliterations get bonus points!

--Malaya

I'm a klutzy camera snob.

So I went to my park today for a much needed walk... I took along my old trusty-rusty Nikon point-and-shoot camera, which was a giant mistake. After using a DSLR for the last year or so, it's nearly impossible for me to enjoy using such inferior technology. *nose in the air* Judge if you must, but I just don't like it.

Nevertheless, me and my old jalopy hit the trail this morning, and took some er, interesting shots. Most of them are blurry, and there is like zero deplth to them, and the colors are all effed up... But...  Here is my morning at the park, in pictures:

This is ridiculously blurry, but why do bobby pins do this? I hate sticky-uppy bobby pin ends!

Trees! Hey, Florida, this is what a park looks like!

I love this part of the trail, because of that big ol' tree straight age

You'll have to turn your head for this one... This is the Big Tree. Blogger won't let me rotate it, and I'm too lazy to go fix it elsewhere. Deal with it.

The "home stretch" of the first lap... This is probably my second favorite part of the trail.

Fuel. I hadn't had a Gatorade in AGES, and man, did this hit the spot. I might have to make this a regular thing...

"Wiiiiiiide oooopeeeennnn spaaaaacessssss..."

Get creative with me again, people. This is my least fave part of the trail. It goes on FOR-EV-ER, and is just enough of an incline to be a pain in the ass. No likey.

Mah foot.

This bench is smack in the middle of my Least Favorite Part of This Trail. I think they put it here for a reason.

You know the drill. The big ol' tree, again. <3

There's probably some horrible pest to blame for eating these trees, but the holes they create are kind of pretty... Kind of lace-ey. I like it. Sorry, trees.

HOME STRETCH! Again. I like this curve in the path.

Squirrell Action Shot!

Lookin' good! Thumbs up!

Distance check... My pace is embarassing. But, I feel good, so I think I'll keep going...

Adjust your face again. This part of the trail cuts through the middle of the park... I only take this when I don't want to walk the full half mile. And with rain clouds in the sky, I thought this was a safe route.

Rain clouds over the volleyball court...

YEAH! 2.26 miles completed! Right after I took this picture, I texted Skip to let him know my mileage... And I wasn't paying attention... And almost tripped and killed myself... And I dropped my phone... And it landed right on its cute little face... And...

THIS HAPPENED. Ugh ugh ugh. I sat in the Jeep in shock... I seriously just MURDERED my beloved iPhone. Seriously. Murdered. THIS IS NOT OKAY. I NEED THIS PHONE TO LIVE. *panic*

Fun, right?

The good news is, the phone can be saved. I have an appointment to get the screen replaced tonight at 5pm. Gonna cost me $70 smack-er-oos, but it's a helluva lot cheaper than going to the Apple store. And, since we should be up for upgrades in September, this should get me through the next 2-3 months. I've dropped this phone a million billion times before, and never had an issue. I guess you could say I had it coming.

I <3 my iPhone. I think I'd rather cut off my right arm than have to get rid of it.

And 2.26 is the most I've done in... A long time. Seriously, I've been in a real funk with this whole weight loss journey stuff. I get tired of obsessing over everysinglething I shove in my face. I get tired of wanting to eat something, and then feeling guilty about it. And I've been uber tired lately, so dragging my ass out of bed to do anything (much less exercise) has been a challenge. I'm trying my hardest to get my motivation back, but it's a lot easier said than done.

Baby steps. One good decision at a time. I can't be perfect always.

But damnit, I like to try to be!

--Malaya

I hate salad.

I just ate a 7538 calorie salad. True story.

I thought it would redeem me from this weekend's food failures. And it started off so good... Lettuce, bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, celery, red onions, peas, carrots, chickpeas, some lean turkey... AND THEN. Blue cheese, bacon, shredded chedder, shredded pepper jack, shredded mozzarella, cottage cheese, chow mein noodles, croutons...

...At least I used the Fat Free Ranch, right?

*headdesk* GET A GRIP, WOMAN!

--Malaya

I was going to make this post all cool and full of pictures, but my computer at work is stupid, and won't let me upload photos off of my iPhone. And I've downloaded 3 different apps onto said iPhone, and none of them will let me upload pictures, either. SO NO PICTURES FOR YOU.

I seriously ate a truckload of awful food this weekend. It started Friday night, when Skip and I were both feeling cranky and angst-y, and we were both so hungry that we really didn't care what we ate. So we settled on Chinese. And then realized that the Chinese place we went to was not a buffet. Seriously?! We had no idea you could order Chinese food from a menu. *mindblown* We high-tailed it outta there, and Skip took to the open road.

4 blocks later, we were in the parking lot of Five Guys. Mmm... Grease! Burgers! We were so hungry that the airborne calories couldn't even scare us away. And neither of us cared. THAT kind of hungry is a dangerous place to be. But I ate my giant cheeseburger (with lettuce and tomato and lard sauce) and my pound of fries dripping in cardiac arrest, and I washed it down with a Coke Zero. True story. Because the regular Coke would've really pushed me over the limit.

The next morning, Skip's mom and step-dad were in town. With two grandchildren, and one miniature yorkie. They dropped said yorkie off at our now-immaculate apartment (BECAUSE I SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT BEFORE CLEANING AND RECOVERING FROM A FAT-HANGOVER), and we headed out to breakfast. At IHOP. For pancakes. Seriously. I can't make this stuff up, people.

I ordered 2 eggs over easy, butter drenched wheat toast, and lean ham. I did not know that plate of goodness came with a pound of greasetastic hash browns. I did know that my intention was to only eat 1/3 of those hash browns. I am positive that I covered the whole pile in ketchup and salt, and I ate them all. And I put 18 packets of sugar in my coffee. And then drowned it in creamer. And I drank it, and it was good.

We then spent a couple hours recovering from breakfast back at our apartment... Which was mostly spent trying to keep children out of my breakables. And my toilet. And my trashcan. I was assured that I didn't need to child-proof my home, but clearly *someone* was wrong about that. I now have rocks in my reed diffuser. I don't know what to do about that. So I'm gonna just pretend like I don't see it, and let the reeds keep diffusing lovely vanilla-ey goodness into my pretty bedroom.

Several stressful hours later, the family was ready for lunch. And where, oh where, do they want to go? FIVE GUYS. No, your eyes do not deceive you. Those caps don't lie. We went to Five Guys. Again. For the second time in 24 hours. Just when I thought the grease had been filtered out of my bloodstream, we were headed back for more. *facepalm*

I still ordered a Coke Zero. Don't judge.

After lunch, was more quality time spent at our apartment. Nothing really notable here.

Dinner... Dinner was barbecue. Meat. Sauce. Meat. Fat. French fries. Ketchup. Baked beans. Fat. Bread. Sugar-coma sweet tea. I threw the Coke Zero out the window, and went balls-to-the-walls with that one. I'm from the south... You can't have barbecue without sweet tea. And it's not really sweet tea unless it makes your face hurt. And this stuff was the real deal. Like, imported directly from the south. It was so sweet, you'd slap yo' momma.

Skip and I wobbled home after that meal, and continued to feel really ill. Our weekends are generally "light eating" days... We often skip breakfast, graze for lunch, and then eat a big dinner. Three big meals was just too much for us to handle. We slept like babies. Fat, bloated, gassy babies.

Thankfully, we avoided breakfast on Sunday morning. Skip and I could not possibly handle more food before noon. Lunch wasn't anything to write home about, although I'm sure it was far less healthy than I thought it was... Because it was restaurant food, and restaurant food is always 6,429 times worse than anything you could make at home. Legit.

Skip and I spent the rest of the day Sunday laying around in misery, avoiding food at all costs. We snacked in the late evening, but that was it. Even breakfast this morning was difficult to swallow... I'm seriously still not hungry. Food is the enemy.

We also spent the weekend playing with Skip's nephews (when they weren't putting rocks in my reed diffuser), and that was fun. Kids are all cute and stuff... They make funny faces when they eat, and they repeat anything you ask them to. OH, and they think bubbles are like super awesome magic. Truth. They are. Who doesn't love bubbles?

But, spending the weekend supervising small children also reminds me that I'm not ready to be a parent. Kids are fun, and then you send them home with someone else. I like my immaculate apartment, my rock-free reed diffuser, and sleep. Kids would kind of screw up all of those things for me.

Oh, did I mention that Skip shot me in the eye with a Nerf dart gun? Oh, yea, he did. It was like Russian Roulette. But not sexy and Russian. He thought it was empty, but there was one in the chamber. And that one in the chamber ended up in my eyeball. No bueno. I've already started on the divorce papers.

But I lubs hiiiiiimmmmm. <3

(And I totally want to go put Nerf guns on our wedding registry.)

*longestblogposteveraboutnothing*

--Malaya