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A recap of 2011... In pictures. Longest post ever.

It's like rain on your wedding day...

This blog has been neglected for far too long.

Actually, my life has been neglected.

Well, not really. My life has been an insane rollercoaster since sometime in September... September started the Official Wedding Freak-Out Time, followed by the trip to Florida, the wedding itself, wedding recovery, a trip to Tennessee, shortest honeymoon/fake-relaxation period ever... And then a trip back to Missouri, epic unpacking, and a return to work.

*sigh* Did you catch all of that?

I could easily go into detail about everything that happened from mid-September through the wedding... But I won't. In all honesty, it's painful. I spent 15 months planning every teeny-tiny detail of what was to be the most important day of my life (of *our* lives)... And shit went wrong. A lot of shit went wrong. And when the day was over, I was really heartbroken. The hairdresser didn't show up. We were almost an hour late. It rained... And rained... And rained. While our photographer was amazing (I mean, she did my hair for me), the torrential downpour made it impossible to get any kind of pictures outside. No sunset, no palm trees, nothing. And the fact that we were an hour behind schedule also meant our photo-taking time was cut short.

There are literally 2 pictures of Skip and I together, and they're not particularly fantastic.

I was so excited to get the pictures back... But I was so disappointed with them. We splurged on the photography... And all I wanted was beautiful pictures of our wedding day. And we didn't get them. And I had a million reasons why, and none of them could be helped. It wasn't anyone's fault, but it just didn't happen. Now people want photo books and prints and Christmas cards... And I just want to pretend like it never happened.

I haven't put the pictures on facebook. Everyone keeps asking, and I keep ignoring them. I haven't even talked about the wedding much in the last month. I just don't want to. I spent several days after we got back to Kansas City being pretty depressed about the whole damn thing. I kept crying. I kept getting this twisted up knot in my stomach every time I thought about it.

...And it's still difficult. I know I can't change it, but it still hurts. I worked so hard to make it this perfect day, and it just didn't happen. The whole day is still a blur to me... It all went by so fast, and I feel like I didn't have time to just enjoy it. We spent 15 months planning the wedding, squirrelling away every spare penny, and it was over in an instant. All that stress, money, and crazyness... And now it's over. And I feel empty.

While it's slowly getting easier to talk about, it still makes me sad. The lump in my throat is still there, but it's smaller than it was before. I'm working my way through editing the pictures... And there are some good ones in there. Not as good as what I really had envisioned, but they're okay. I can find silly pictures or beautiful pictures... And it takes me back to that moment. When we said our vows, when Skip shoved a huge piece of cake in my face, when Danie gave us her hilarious toast... There were beautiful moments, even if most of the day seemed like a distaster.

I guess in the end, a perfect wedding does not ensure a perfect marriage. I love my husband, and I guess I'm glad that we now have the time to enjoy married life... The stress and pressure of the wedding is behind us, and now we can just be happy.

And if rain on your wedding day really is good luck... Then we're set for life.

I'm still alive, I swear. But it's not like my 10 glorious followers are sitting in front of their computers, like, "OMG WHAT IS SHE UP TO?!" I mean, I like to think one of you 10 lovely readers misses me, but reality says you probably didn't notice I was gone.

ANYWAYS.

After three weeks of working 5 straight days (horrible, I know), I should be back to my almost-normal schedule now. Except, my boss wants to take away my free Thursdays, and make me work. Effective immediately. Yay moneys! BOO no sleeping in!

Oh, and that's yet another day I won't have to work on wedding stuff. And we're 7 weeks away from the Big Day. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaking out about this.

Friday night was spent starting on veil construction. Oh yes, I'm making my own veil. Because I'm completely insane. Actually, it's because my step-dad's sister bailed on making a veil for me, and the prices people charge for these things is completely insane. $200 for some fluffy shit and sequins? I don't think so. I have hands and free time and hot glue... I can do this for cheap!

So after 30 tense minutes of wandering around Joann's in search of the right supplies... I came home with $29 worth of tulle, fishing line, and hair combs. I didn't get the sparkley rhinestones... Yet. If I can assemble the veil without it looking ghetto, then I'll tackle sparkles. I know I'm good at sparkles.

I searched the internets for the best tutorials, only to find that there are none. Well, there are tutorials, but they suck. I think tulle is just really hard to capture on video. It's like Bigfoot or Nessie or the Chupacabra. It's elusive. And I don't think there's one universal method to veil-making. So I kind of had to watch some videos, use my brain, and just go fot it.

Luckily, I bought like, 7 yards of tulle. That's like, 189 square feet of elusive fluffy crap. Which looks like a ghostly aparition when it's bunched up on your couch and you've had a few glasses of wine. But yeah, I had enough extra tulle to experiment.

Did I mention Skip hates tulle? Because he spent like a solid hour sitting on the couch yelling, "I F%$#ING HATE TULLE! OMG! IT'S ITCHY! GET IT OFF MEEEE!" And I was yelling back, "STOP MOVING! YOU'RE GOING TO SCARE THE GHOST AWAYYYYY!"

So attempt numero-uno was a bust.

But the second attempt was mostly a success. I think if I glue on some sparkly stuff, no one will notice my terrible fishing line sewing skills. But I'll need to do that sober, because hot glue is (duh) hot. And tulle is (duh) elusive. I don't need an ER visit in my life right now.

What I do need in my life is glorious wedding shoes. And Skip needs 3 inches of height in his life, so I don't look like a giant standing next to him at the altar. Seriously. Dillards had super glorious sparkletastic wedding shoes, but they would've made me look like an Amazonian queen. Which would be great, if Skip wasn't vertically challenged. Well, he's not challenged... He's just not gifted. We're like, the same height. So he's freakishly tall, but not tall enough that I can wear glorious heels.

So the other insane thing I'm doing this weekend... Is taking Skip out to help me find wedding shoes. Basically, I just need him there as a reference piece. So I can stand next to him and be like, "Yep, you're still short. These shoes are out." Or "ZOMG THESE ARE THE SHOES." Skip will probably hate this process, but it needs to happen. I can't keep buying and returning shoes like a crazy person because they're too tall.

That's all that's really going on right now... Well, there's probably other stuff, too, but nothing really interesting.

I promise I'll try to update this more frequently. For reals, this time!

Ghosts, goblins, and sparkles,

I'm still alive.

The last few weeks have been ridiculous. And that's an understatement.

Milo is now on an all home-cooked diet. Yes, you read that correctly... No, I'm not insane. After spending hours on the internets researching canine calcium oxalate bladder stones, I discovered Fuzzer Food... Which is basically like a hippie diet for dogs. It's pretty complicated. Everything has to be pretty meticulously measured, and supplements added. One of which is a crazy Chinese herb that I can't spell or pronounce. But it's supposed to make him not get bladder stones, which means no more surgeries, and no more stress on pup or pup-mom. So we're going full-on hippie.

I've also been working at our downtown office for the last 2 weeks... Which is really just inconvenient and annoying. I spend what used to be my days off feeling awkward and in the way, and then sitting in terrible traffic trying to get myself home. Oh, and getting up an hour and a half earlier than usual. That's awesome too. OH, and the extra gas I need to buy to get me down there. Yep, that's great too. Because the extra hours I work basically just cover the gas down there. Sweet deal, right?!

/sarcasm.

Did I also mention that our apartment got struck by lightning?! Did I tell you that it fried all three (!) of our TVs?! And a digital picture frame?? And our router?! AND SKIP'S EXPENSIVE CARDINALS LAMP?!

Yea. That seriously happened. One bolt of lightning murdered $1200+ worth of electronics. It busted the tuner in the tube-TV in our bedroom, totally fried the 32" flatscreen in the den (it doesn't even turn on), and it effed up the high voltage in Skip's big gigantic 40" flatscreen. So now, every time we hook the cable box up to the big TV, the high voltage just fries it. We hooked up the coax directly to the TV... So we have like, basic cable. Basic, low-def, no DVR cable. With spotty reception. On our 40" high-def TV. Awesome.

We're going to talk to the insurance people tonight... Thank God we have renter's insurance. But we have to take $500 out of the wedding fund to pay the deductible, and hope that they reimburse us before the first week of September, when like, all of our final payments are due. GAH. As if I wasn't stressed enough about the money for the wedding. Someone plant me a money tree orchard, mmkay?

Or like, send Ed McMahon to my house. That'd be super.

Did I mention I now have to find a veil for the wedding too?! 'Cause my step-dad's sister was going to make it for free, right... And then her sewing machine broke. So I'm gonna be all up on Etsy looking for veils like it was my job. 'Cause I don't have an extra $200 to spend on a piece of tulle glued to a comb.

I've been ridiculously tired the last few weeks... I don't know if it's the extra hours, the lack of healthy eating habits, the absence of my daily vitamins, or just general stress and exhaustion due to all the crazy in my life right now. I mean, the last month and a half has just been insane. Milo's surgery, his new diet, 3 dead TVs, wedding shenanigans... It's just insane. I'm trying to get back to a better eating regimen, more exercise, and my vitamins. Maybe that'll make me feel a little less like a zombie. Sleep would be good too, but even that's in short supply. Our weekends haven't even been relaxing... I didn't sleep past 7:30am this past Saturday or Sunday. I had dog food to cook, groceries to shop for, laundry to do, clothes to iron, and socializing to do.

...I know, socializing isn't important. But to us, it is. We have zero friends. So if we can go hang out with people and try to be their friends, that's gonna take priority over like everything else. I love Skip, but I need a female companion in my life. We don't even have to be like, BFFs... I just need someone to drink wine and go shopping with.

And on that note... I need to do something productive today. This is the last week of me working both downtown and up at my office. THANK GOD.

Thanks a lot, Mother Nature...

It's raining.

I *know* the midwest needs rain. It's been like 50 bazillion degrees for like 8 years straight. We NEED rain. My poor plants need it. I'm a lazy plant owner, and they're needy plants.

I digress.

I need to go run. I have to go run. I skipped my run on Thursday, so I need to run today and tomorrow, so I don't lose my momentum.

But it's raining.

I either need to buck up and go run in the rain, or just go do my weekly grocery shopping. I need to stop sitting here like a punk, procrastinating on Blogger, instead of making this decision.

Ok. For reals. I'm leaving.

Rain, sprinkles, and reusable grocery bags--

Wedding planning ain't for sissies. Especially when you live in one state, and the wedding you're planning is 1,400 miles away, in another state. Oh, and everyone ever who could help is in that state too. And everyone ever that is totally annoying and unhelpful is scattered somewhere else in-between.

People have told me I should delegate tasks to people... Like bridesmaids and family members who I don't want to kill. Okay, no problem. Can you buy me some of these pumpkins from Joann Crafts?



No? The Joann Crafts in Florida doesn't carry awesome funky-shaped fake pumpkins? How about equally-awesome white fake pumpkins? Like these?


No? No white pumpkins?

DOES YOUR JOANN CRAFTS HAVE ANY OF THESE PUMPKINS?! Any pumpkins at all? Anything that remotely resembles a pumpkin? How about foam floral balls? We could shape them into pumpkins, and then paint them. No? No foam?

WHISKEY. TANGO. FOXTROT.

But it's probably for the best that these pumpkins don't exist in Florida... Because once they're found, I'd have to work out sending money for their purchase. And I don't even want to know what that would be like. I'll just buy them here, and strap them to the roof of the Jeep with duct tape and kitchen twine. They *should* survive the drive. No worries.

So delegating is a no-go. Even calling mom for help in some tasks is frightening... She's kind of like Skip, in that her favorite line is, "It's okay... I've got it handled." And I'm like, "Do you really?? Do you have this handled?? 'Cause I'm 1,400 miles away and I'm FREAKING OUT and I need to be positively sure that you have this handled in the best way possible. Text me pictures for proof, lady! kthx."

Except I don't really tell her that. I just make a list of the stuff I need her to do, and I put little reminders on my calendar so I know when to remind her, REALLY remind her, FREAK OUT AND REMIND HER AGAIN, and then just worry about it when I get to Florida.

And then there's delegating to Skip... Which should be all happy fun times, but it's not. He makes me kind of stabby with stuff. "Oh yea, I'll do that..." Which secretly means he won't do it in a timely fashion, which will make me anxious, and I'll just do it my damn self so it gets done. It's also a chore to get Skip to pry himself away from ESPN to discuss wedding crap. He mutes the TV... Which means he's just reading the ticker at the bottom instead of listening to me babble about bouttonieres or tablecloths.

OH. AND THE TABLECLOTHS. Did I tell you about Groomzilla and the Not-Ivory-Enough Tablecloths? Maybe I did... I don't remember. But yea, he whined that the Ivory tablecloth sample I ordered was too white. So we ordered this other Ivory one, and it's like, WHOAH BUDDY, in-your-face-ivory. I don't like it. Now it's too ivory. And now Skip is like, "I DON'T CARE PLEASE DON'T KILL ME." So he now has zero opinion. Fantastic.

That there is the "too white" tablecloth, with our three overlay colors... Which mom has tried like, 56,327 times to talk me out of, because they'll be a pain in the ass to iron and make look pretty. But I'm an idiot bride, and this is what has to be on my tables. I love them, and it's happening. DONE. So whoever pisses me off the week before the wedding is getting the job of "overlay ironer." They're gonna get an iron, some starch, an ironing board, and 25 satin thingeys to iron... And like, 5 minutes to do it or else they get stabbed. See! Delegation!

I think I'm a bad bride.

Did I mention I hot-glued a thumbtack to my finger today? Yea, that was pretty awesome. Why was I putting hot glue on thumbtacks? Oh, because I'm insane. Yep. Insane. I was hot-gluing some fall leaf sequin glitter things to thumbtacks to possibly use for our escort cards... Yea, possibly. If I decide to do cards and not just a giant piece of paper with names and table assignments written on it in sharpie. So I may or may not have just glued 140 stupid sequin glitter leaves to thumbtacks for NO APPARENT REASON.

It's definitely too early for cocktails.

In closing, I need this wreath in my life:



...But you'll have to come to Kansas City to buy it for me. It only exists at the Joann Crafts by my house. You can't get it wherever you live. 

Vodka, Hot Glue, and Glitter---

Speed Up-Dating... Get it?

This is the quickest update EVAR, mainly because I'm too mentally exhausted to type out complete thoughts.

BULLETS:

• Our wedding DJ backed out last week... But it's okay, because mom found a replacement before I even knew this happened. It's a shittastic situation, and I'm feeling kind of bitter. People suck.
• Mom paid for the new DJ... Which makes me feel guilty. I need to pay her back ASAP.
• The list of crap to buy/pay for for the wedding keeps growing... And our paychecks ain't getting any bigger around these parts. PANIC.
• Running is getting easier, but my shins still hurt. But I'm running more than 20 feet, so that's a plus.
• We will probably have to cut back our photography package for the wedding. I'm not happy about this.
• We've received 15 RSVPs in the mail. FIFTEEN. Out of the 93 I sent, that's pretty weak. Not cool.
• I'm going to sit Skip down tonight and tell him to either step-up and do stuff, or quit being a Groomzilla. Seriously. Either get on the same train as me, or quit being a caboose.
• I bought crystal martini glasses from Wal-Mart... Yes, you read that correctly. Seriously, the best $15 I've ever spent. They're awesome, and I love martinis.
• I have 10 billion wedding projects to work on. Seriously, 10 billion.
• I need new clothes. Not only have I lost weight, but some unexplained phenomenon put pinkish splotches on my FAVORITE FREAKING KHAKI WORK PANTS. Ugh. I seriously don't know what it was. I checked all my pockets prior to washing. I'm ticked.
• The heat wave makes me angry. It's cooler in Florida than it is here in Missouri. WHY?!
• I want it to be fall. I want pumpkin candles and pumpkin muffins. And not-hot weather.

I think this is it. Hopefully more completed thoughts will come your way soon... Maybe I'll sip on a few martinis, and make that happen tonight.

...But don't hold your breath.

VODKA SPARKLES,

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid answers.

I'm starting to think that weddings were created to test brides-to-be on how far they can be pushed until they snap.

Seriously. The questions people ask me are ridiculous. And they ask them over and over and over. Like, the same person will ask me the same question 56 times. And it's never like, vitally important questions. People also don't talk amongst themselves, so I get the same questions from tons of different people.

Some examples:

Q: What colors the bridesmaids are wearing?
A: Fall colors. Red, orange, wine, and brown. Yes, four different colors, and yes, four different dresses. I know they won't match. It's okay, I promise.

Q: What color should the women family members wear?
A: Any shade of whateveryouwanttowear will be just fine.

Q: What the male family members wearing?
A: My dad wearing a tux, since he's physically "in" the wedding. Everyone else can wear whatevertheywanttowear.

Q: What is the dresscode?
A: Clothes. You need to wear clothes. Not a ballgown, and not cutoffs and a sleeveless tee shirt, either. But mostly, just cover your naughty bits.

Q: What's the weather going to be like?
A: Either hot or cold. I suggest checking the forecast before you pack your bags. Florida is a little unpredictable in October, and my crystal ball is on the fritz.

Q: What if it rains?
A: The wedding and reception are both indoors. I promise I thought about this stuff.

Q: What time is the wedding?
A: READ THE INVITATION I PAID FOR, ADDRESSED, STAMPED, AND MAILED TO YOU. kthx.

Q: How much is the wedding costing you?
A: A lot. A whole lot. A whole lot more than I'm going to tell you. If you're concerned, though, we're accepting cash donations in the form of large, uncirculated bills.

Q: What are your wedding colors?
A: "Fall Colors." Browns, reds, golds, oranges, etc. It's a variety. Crazy, I know. But Day-Glo orange is SO last year.

Q: Where are you getting your hair and makeup done?
A: Probably in the bathroom at my mom's house. Weddings are expensive, and my hair and makeup are kind of at the bottom of the list of crap that needs to be paid for. If you're treating, though, we can go wherever you like. I'd love to suggest a few salons in town.

Q: Can we get a picture of you and [relative's name] or you and Skip [posing explanation].
A: Sure. Tell the lady with the big fancy camera. I'm paying her a lot of money to do just that: take pictures of us. I seriously can't be responsible for remembering every single photographic pose and combination between now and October. My brain purges crap like that on the regular.

Q: Are you having music?
A: UM YES.

Q: Will there be an open bar?
A: Only if there's any liquor left after the bride is done drinking away her sorrows. You might want to BYOB, just in case.

Q: What does your dress look like?
A: It's big and white. You'll find out if you show up!

Q:  Will your dad be there?
A: Nope. Haven't talked to him in 5 years. I don't want him anywhere within 3 square miles of me on the biggest day of my life.

Q: Your AUNT is your maid of honor?! How old IS she?!
A: Yes, she is. She's the closest thing I have to a sister, and we're very close. She is seven years older than me, which is 32 for those of you who can't do math. (Which makes me 25.)

Q: Are you getting married on the beach?
A: HELL TO THE NO.

Q: WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING MARRIED ON THE BEACH?!
A: For starters, we don't like the beach. I know, crazy. It's too sandy to be tromping around in a big white dress. Beach weddings are also a little too cliche for us, and they're expensive. Since you'll be in Florida for the wedding, why not plan a trip to the beach? It's really close, I swear.

Q: Who's paying for the wedding?
A: Um, we are. Skip is working like 50 brazillion hours of overtime to make this happen. We're accepting contributions, but we're also not holding our breath.

Q: Will you need help before the wedding?
A: YES. Absolutely. Show up at my mom's house every day at 6am with coffee and doughnuts, and we should have everything done by the time I'm ready to walk down the aisle. Bring friends, and/or extra hands.

Q: Where are you going for your honeymoon?
A: HAHAHAHAAHAAA. You think we'll have money leftover for a honeymoon! That's cute.

Q: How old is your flower girl?
A: I get this a lot, and I don't know why. But she'll be six on Christmas, and she's awesome.

Q: What is a brooch bouquet, and why are you doing that instead of flowers?
A: Google it. And flowers die. Brooches do not.

Q: Can I have the brooches when you're done?
A: That's a big negative, Ghostrider. I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and hours on eBay into this bouquet. And they're all hot-glued in there, so don't even try it, Stickyfingers McGee.

Q: Are you having a bridal shower?
A: Are you throwing me a bridal shower? 'Cause those are usually a surprise to the bride. Just sayin'.

Q: Are you paying for our hotel room?





A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. No.
I think that's it. There are probably more, but they're escaping my brain at the moment. This weekend, I'm turning my phone off and ignoring everyone, and their dumb questions. Seriously. I can't handle any more questions. I'm going to fix myself a lemondrop martini (or three), and park myself in front of the TV.

I am mentally checking out until Monday morning.

Peace, silence, and vodka,

Someone, please, do me a favor...

PLEASE, for the love of God and all that is Holy... Call my future mother-in-law, and explain to her that I can't answer her calls while I'm working. And please remind her that I work Monday-Wednesday-Friday, from 8am-4:30pm. And let her know that when she calls me on a Wednesday, at 2:11pm, I'm not avoiding her call because I'm mean or something, but I'm actually working.

Every time someone calls me at work, and I pick up the phone... Someone walks into my office. It's like clockwork. Answer phone, get glared at by an impatient person. Never fails.

The same thing happens when I try to go pee at work. Close bathroom door, and a line of 56 people gathers outside my office.

Oh, and someone please come eat all this candy that's sitting on my desk. If I eat one more piece, I'm going to turn into a Kit-Kat bar.

kthxbai.

Brain vs. Heart vs. Body

Running is hard.

I know I've said that about fifty bajillion times, but I'm serious. It's hard. Finding the motivation to hit the pavement is hard. Pushing through pain, sweat, and heat is hard. Thinking about your feet, legs, arms, head, posture, breathing, pace, and keeping an eye on the trail... All at the same time... Is hard.

But no one said this would be easy.

Becoming a runner isn't going to happen overnight... Not for me, anyways. Some people can lace up their sneakers and hit the trail like they were born to do it. Not this girl. Running, like losing weight, is one of those things I'm just going to have to chip away at one tiny bit at a time. I didn't lose 23 pounds overnight, and I'm not going to run a mile that way, either.

Since re-dedicating myself to this journey, I've decided that I should try to sign up for a race. I need something to motivate me, and keep me going... Something to look forward to accomplishing. The trouble is, I'm afraid of that committment. What if I sign up, and I'm not ready by race day? What if my shin pain gets worse, and I have to take time off? What if I sign up for a big race, and then bomb on race day?

Most of this is mental stuff. The phrase "what if" seriously should be banned from my vocabulary.

I'm fearful of signing up for something too soon, and not having enough time to adequately prepare. I'm like, the definition of a beginner. Be-gin-ner. Period. So if I sign up for a race in September, will I be ready? My logical side says probably not. Even if I trained everysingleday, I probably wouldn't survive a September race. How about October? Well... Scratch off most of that month, since we'll either be up to our necks in wedding preparations, or we'll be in Florida getting married. November? Julie's wedding.

This is where I have stupid, stupid thoughts.

I found a race I really, really want to do. It's for a cause that is close to my heart. It's a 5k. It's in November. It's two days after Julie's wedding.

Julie's wedding takes place on Friday evening... I fly out of Ft. Myers at like, 6am Saturday morning. (Possibly hungover from the festivities. Yikes.) This race takes place at like, 8am Sunday morning. And then I go back to work on Monday.

The cause is for lung cancer... Some of you, my dear followers, know that I lost both my grandparents to lung cancer. This cause is so close to my heart, and running this race would mean the world to me. But, failing at this race would be really awful. And as busy as my schedule is, and knowing how far I have to go until I can run a 5k... My better judgment says I shouldn't do this.

...But I really want to.

What would you do in this situation? Advice? Thoughts? Encouragement? I'm really torn on this one. I need a race to train for, but I don't want my first race to be such an important one... Because I might fail.

Decisions, decisions.