There are no stupid questions. Just stupid answers.

I'm starting to think that weddings were created to test brides-to-be on how far they can be pushed until they snap.

Seriously. The questions people ask me are ridiculous. And they ask them over and over and over. Like, the same person will ask me the same question 56 times. And it's never like, vitally important questions. People also don't talk amongst themselves, so I get the same questions from tons of different people.

Some examples:

Q: What colors the bridesmaids are wearing?
A: Fall colors. Red, orange, wine, and brown. Yes, four different colors, and yes, four different dresses. I know they won't match. It's okay, I promise.

Q: What color should the women family members wear?
A: Any shade of whateveryouwanttowear will be just fine.

Q: What the male family members wearing?
A: My dad wearing a tux, since he's physically "in" the wedding. Everyone else can wear whatevertheywanttowear.

Q: What is the dresscode?
A: Clothes. You need to wear clothes. Not a ballgown, and not cutoffs and a sleeveless tee shirt, either. But mostly, just cover your naughty bits.

Q: What's the weather going to be like?
A: Either hot or cold. I suggest checking the forecast before you pack your bags. Florida is a little unpredictable in October, and my crystal ball is on the fritz.

Q: What if it rains?
A: The wedding and reception are both indoors. I promise I thought about this stuff.

Q: What time is the wedding?
A: READ THE INVITATION I PAID FOR, ADDRESSED, STAMPED, AND MAILED TO YOU. kthx.

Q: How much is the wedding costing you?
A: A lot. A whole lot. A whole lot more than I'm going to tell you. If you're concerned, though, we're accepting cash donations in the form of large, uncirculated bills.

Q: What are your wedding colors?
A: "Fall Colors." Browns, reds, golds, oranges, etc. It's a variety. Crazy, I know. But Day-Glo orange is SO last year.

Q: Where are you getting your hair and makeup done?
A: Probably in the bathroom at my mom's house. Weddings are expensive, and my hair and makeup are kind of at the bottom of the list of crap that needs to be paid for. If you're treating, though, we can go wherever you like. I'd love to suggest a few salons in town.

Q: Can we get a picture of you and [relative's name] or you and Skip [posing explanation].
A: Sure. Tell the lady with the big fancy camera. I'm paying her a lot of money to do just that: take pictures of us. I seriously can't be responsible for remembering every single photographic pose and combination between now and October. My brain purges crap like that on the regular.

Q: Are you having music?
A: UM YES.

Q: Will there be an open bar?
A: Only if there's any liquor left after the bride is done drinking away her sorrows. You might want to BYOB, just in case.

Q: What does your dress look like?
A: It's big and white. You'll find out if you show up!

Q:  Will your dad be there?
A: Nope. Haven't talked to him in 5 years. I don't want him anywhere within 3 square miles of me on the biggest day of my life.

Q: Your AUNT is your maid of honor?! How old IS she?!
A: Yes, she is. She's the closest thing I have to a sister, and we're very close. She is seven years older than me, which is 32 for those of you who can't do math. (Which makes me 25.)

Q: Are you getting married on the beach?
A: HELL TO THE NO.

Q: WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING MARRIED ON THE BEACH?!
A: For starters, we don't like the beach. I know, crazy. It's too sandy to be tromping around in a big white dress. Beach weddings are also a little too cliche for us, and they're expensive. Since you'll be in Florida for the wedding, why not plan a trip to the beach? It's really close, I swear.

Q: Who's paying for the wedding?
A: Um, we are. Skip is working like 50 brazillion hours of overtime to make this happen. We're accepting contributions, but we're also not holding our breath.

Q: Will you need help before the wedding?
A: YES. Absolutely. Show up at my mom's house every day at 6am with coffee and doughnuts, and we should have everything done by the time I'm ready to walk down the aisle. Bring friends, and/or extra hands.

Q: Where are you going for your honeymoon?
A: HAHAHAHAAHAAA. You think we'll have money leftover for a honeymoon! That's cute.

Q: How old is your flower girl?
A: I get this a lot, and I don't know why. But she'll be six on Christmas, and she's awesome.

Q: What is a brooch bouquet, and why are you doing that instead of flowers?
A: Google it. And flowers die. Brooches do not.

Q: Can I have the brooches when you're done?
A: That's a big negative, Ghostrider. I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and hours on eBay into this bouquet. And they're all hot-glued in there, so don't even try it, Stickyfingers McGee.

Q: Are you having a bridal shower?
A: Are you throwing me a bridal shower? 'Cause those are usually a surprise to the bride. Just sayin'.

Q: Are you paying for our hotel room?





A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. No.
I think that's it. There are probably more, but they're escaping my brain at the moment. This weekend, I'm turning my phone off and ignoring everyone, and their dumb questions. Seriously. I can't handle any more questions. I'm going to fix myself a lemondrop martini (or three), and park myself in front of the TV.

I am mentally checking out until Monday morning.

Peace, silence, and vodka,

Malaya Does Life.

So, Wednesday evening, Ben Davis and the Do Life Movement made their way to Kansas City. I hadn't originally planned on participating in their 5k event, but when I realized I would be downtown anyways... I couldn't not go.


Turn Left, Do Life.

I recruited Julia from the Bosky Blog, and her adooooorable furry running buddy Goliath, to meet with me, and DO LIFE!

Aren't they cute?!

I arrived at Liberty Memorial with buzzards butterflies in my stomach. I had never walked a 5k... A 5k is 3.1 miles. The most I've done (in one consecutive session) was 2.5 miles... And that was mostly walking. What had I gotten myself into?

I met with Julia and G about 30 seconds after I arrived... She parked right behind me! What are the odds?! Anyhoo... She (and Goliath) were super awesome and friendly. She's pretty much exactly the same in person as she is on her blog. And Goliath is just as cute and furry and energetic. He was ready to RUN!

As soon as we walked toward the sign-in table, we were greeted by Ben, of the Ben Does Life blog. He was really warm and friendly, and it was like we were the best of friends from way back in the day. There were brief introductions, and a funny story about a breakup gone wrong. He is genuinely friendly, and is also pretty much the same in person as he is on his blog. I had a brief *starstruck* moment... HE'S LIKE A CELEBRITY! ZOMG!

Oh, and the news was there. Because the Do Life movement is big, people. You'll see me for like, 2 seconds at the end jogging. Yeah!




So there was signing in and introductions and chit-chattery... And then it was time for a group photo!



DO YOU SEE ME?! I'M NEXT TO BEN!

 Immediately after this picture was taken, I dropped my super-awesome "unbreakable" pink water bottle, and the bottom broke. Bye-bye, Gatorade. And RIP most favorite bottle ever. I was a little panicked, because the Gatorade is like, the only thing that gets me through cardio. Probably totally mental, but it was like someone stole my running shoes. Could I do this without my Elixer of Life?!

The answer: Yes. But more about that in a minute. First, we start running!

See me? Goofy form, big cheesy grin... WHO AM I?!

I started towards the back of the pack, since I was well aware that I am ridiculously slow. I was slightly paranoid that I'd be the only walker, but that was not the case. After all, the Do Life movement isn't about how far or how fast. It's about making a step in the right direction, and making it to the finish line.

So in that picture up there, you'll also see that lady in the middle in the black shirt... That's Ben's mom. And I had the pleasure of walking with her for a portion of the course, and she is a super nice lady. She is equally in-awe of Ben's story, his blog, and the movement. She sounded like just another fan when she was talking about the blog. "It's just so dang funny!" Her Arkansas accent was also awesomesauce. I talked with her and a couple other ladies, about losing weight and getting active. My pace slowed considerably while we were chatting, but it was so good to talk to someone else about my weight loss journey. Sometimes, you just need to hear the words coming out of your own mouth. It was like free therapy. Good stuff.

I walked, jogged, and talked my way through the rest of the 3 mile course. Coming in on the home stretch, I knew I wanted to finish strong. I knew I couldn't just mosey across the finish line like it was NBD. I didn't walk the last 2+ miles to finish on a low note. I apologized to my walking buddy, and told her I was off to jog the rest of the way. I jogged a stretch, stopped to walk briefly, and then picked up the pace for the final steps of my first 5k.

As I approached the finish line, all the other people who finished before me were cheering... And clapping... And hollering out words of encouragement. I don't know what the definition of a "runner's high" is, but that was a pretty amazing feeling for me. I got a high-five from a random guy, and one from Ben. And that was pretty cool.

Seconds away from a high-five from Ben! AHH!

I may have been almost last, but I did it. I finished my first 5k, and I'm not even ashamed to say that I walked most of it. I didn't think I would make it through two laps... Let alone the third. And a couple months ago, I wouldn't have peeled myself off the couch to walk 5 feet, let alone 5k. Julia and Goliath were waiting for me, too, taking pictures of my "Finish Line Moment", and giving me happy puppydog slobbers. It was pretty awesome.

(I'll be stealing those pics from her blog as soon as she posts them... So keep your eyes out for more awesome sweaty pics!)
 

Ben Davis, Julia, Me, and Goliath

Usually, after these Do Life events, everyone goes out to dinner for camraderie and whatnot... But I was feeling tired and hadn't seen Skip since 5am... And I had two missed calls and a text from my mom waiting on my phone. Mom usually doesn't call me, so I knew two missed calls was probably semi-serious. I called her from the parking lot before I left, and decided to skip the post-5k meal. I was pretty bummed to miss it, but when momma calls, you can't just ignore it. It turned out to be nothing too major, and it gave me the opportunity to tell mom what I had just done. She seemed so proud, and joked that she was, "exhausted just hearing about it." Hah. Love ya, mommadukes.

Skipper was equally proud of me, and I think had a hard time believing that I walked a 5k, let alone did some running... Hah. Silly boy. I did get him to help me put my first sticker on the Jeep when I got home...

Me: "OMG MAKE SURE IT'S NOT CROOKED!"

I'm usually against stickers on cars (especially ones people just slap on all crooked an' junk), but I felt like this one was necessary. And it's on the driver's side, so every time I get in the Jeep, I'm reminded to Do Life. And maybe to drive to the park and run, instead of going to Starbucks for an iced caramel macchiato. Hah.


She even has a sweet ponytail! Yeah!

And so concludes the story of my first 5k, and the Do Life Movement experience in Kansas City. I really feel like this was just the kick in the pants I needed to get back to exercising, and watching what I eat. I felt so inspired, that I got up yesterday morning and hit the trail hardcore.

Well, as hardcore as someone like me can hit the trail. Hah.

I did one mile (2 laps around the park), and logged my best-ever mile time... 20 minutes, 34 seconds. Which really isn't so great, but it's pretty awesome for me. I ran... A lot. Definitely a lot more than I usually run. It hurt and it was hard, but I just kept going. There were a few times when I told myself, "Just run to that tree," and that tree turned into "That next tree"... So I was exceeding my goals, not just meeting them.

WHO IS THIS PERSON?!

This is a person who is tired of being overweight. This is a person who is getting married in under 3 months, and does not want to look like she's wearing a big white tent. This is a person who wants babies someday, and wants to be a healthy pregnant lady. This is a person who also wants to be a healthy momma someday. This is a person who is tired of the "somedays" and "tomorrows"... It's time for "today" and "now."

I've got a run scheduled for tonight after work.

Doing Life,

--Malaya